On Waiting

Waiting stinks.  Don't you agree?  As Americans, we probably believe this more than most others in the world.  In our corner of the world, we pretty much insist that we get what we want when we want it.  We're hungry...we eat.  Oh, and we like convenience too.  If we don't have time, energy, or desire to prepare what we want to eat...fast food it is!  That's just one, oh-so-obvious realm in which we demand relatively instant satisfaction.  There are many others.  And most things fall into categories we feel we have at least some control over...our food, our possessions, our entertainment, our relationships.

But do you know what we think really stinks?  We really hate it when we have to wait for something when we are uncomfortable, or if it is out of our control, or for something that has unknown timing.  It's painful.

However, I'm choosing to believe it's so good for us.  In each of my pregnancies, I've hit this same point.  It's a point of reflection and question-asking.  I'm within a week of my due date and I am in waiting.  It's always more difficult than I expect.  I'm bombarded by my culture's beliefs that I should seek comfort, convenience, predictability, and relief.  I have to wrestle through the questions again and again.  Why am I not willing to schedule an induction?  My doc would be willing.  Why do I choose to wait for spontaneous labor?  It could be weeks.  Why do I not opt for what seems convenient and predictable?  It would be easier to plan.  With each day that I feel fully pregnant and ready to meet our little guy, yet have no signs of imminent labor, I ask myself these questions.

It doesn't help that our society also has an obsession with a pregnant lady's due date.  In recent weeks, I have literally been asked at least once a day, "How much longer do you have?", or something along those lines.  I know people are sincerely caring and curious, and they are really just asking about my due date, but my honest, internal answer (that I have yet to give as an audible response) is something like, "Hell if I really know."  On a more gracious day, it is something like "Only God knows."  But I politely reply about my due date and usually explain that I will likely be pregnant past that day since my other two children were "late".

So, anyway, I could ramble on about our culture, it's messages, stats regarding labor and childbirth, etc. But I'll refrain.   :)

Of course I have plenty of my own reasons to wait for spontaneous labor.  Many of them are related to "norms" in the medical field and wanting to avoid the domino effect of unnecessary interventions.  But more of my reasons are tied to what I believe to be true of God and myself.  In choosing to wait, I am believing that God is intimately involved in this child's formation and the timing of his birth (convenient or not).  I am believing that God has created my body well.  I am believing that God is incomprehensibly good and that He does not withhold good from His children (even if discomfort is involved).  I am believing that one of my most serious problems as a member of the human race is my propensity to chase after my own comfort apart from God.  That's ultimately what sin is, right?  I am believing that hope and perseverance are cultivated in times of waiting and feeling out of control.  And I am believing that God desires to meet me intimately in this unique place of waiting and longing for what is to come.  It's about much of the Gospel, really.

Therefore, I see my due date approaching and I wait.