So Hard on Myself

Overanalyzer...that is what I tend to be (if it's even a word). I love being thoughtful and intentional in the roles I have in life, but sometimes I nearly drive myself batty with all of my internal conversations and mumbo-jumbo.

In a phone conversation with my mom this week, we were doting together on Hannah, and mom's ending thought was, "Enjoy every one of these days with her...I mean it." That has played over and over in my head since then. Though my mom didn't really know all that I have been thinking about lately, it was good to be reminded that every stage really does pass all too quickly.

My mind has been filled with all kinds of "hard on myself" thoughts and questions. Am I teaching her the "right" skills? Should she be better able to play by herself? Is it reasonable to expect her to be able to entertain herself when I ask her to? Is it okay that every time she asked me to play ("pway") with her today she simply insisted that we sit and read books...and read books...and read more books? Is her imagination developing as it "should"? Am I responding appropriately to her tantrums? Is she spoiled? Is she too dependent on her "blankie"? Am I fighting the "right" battles with her each day? And on and on...EXHAUSTING! Many of the questions are stirred by the increasing anxiety I have been feeling over how Hannah will adjust to baby brother coming in two short months. I know it could be rough, but somehow, I'm convinced that if I were a "good" mom then Hannah would be fully equipped to handle the transition (a major life one at that) without skipping a beat. Ha! It sounds silly, I know!

Now, of course, if I heard some other mom verbalizing these questions, I'd be able to quickly and sincerely offer "big picture" perspective along with a ton of grace, but for some reason the perspective and grace are a little slower to come for my own struggles. So, it has been good to have my own mom's words in my head lately. They have helped me strive to simply be present in each moment...doing the best I can in each moment...seeking to be thankful for each moment...without worrying (at least not as much) about all the questions.

And yes, thankful I am. At the end of most days, I find myself thanking God for Hannah and reflecting on her sweet personality, her compliant disposition, and all that she is learning and developing.
And with that, here are a few photos of her this week...

Beets are still a hit!

Coloring fun with friends, "Djo-Djo", and "A-ee-a".

Caring for her babies...often insistent that they are warm with hats and blankies.

And wow! I'm looking at these photos and wondering, "Did I really trim her bangs THAT unevenly?" I have a lot of grace for myself in that though...it's a very difficult task! :)