Grandpa

Last night my grandpa had a massive heart attack. He is in bad shape and has been in and out of life several times in the last 24 hours. Today, my sister and I traveled to Topeka to see him and be with other family members who had traveled there. It was difficult. To hold my grandpa's hand and watch him so confused, uncomfortable, and in pain evoked emotion I don't know that I've ever felt. I can't even put words to it. I've never lost a loved one, and the reality of it began to hit home. It made me sad.

While we were there, grandpa's mind kept moving in and out of reality. He was mumbling and moving nonstop, talking nonsense one minute, and then speaking somewhat rationally the next. As all the family was gathered in his room, he would occasionally quip off a joke or humorous comment, that seemed to come from no where. He's never been a real comedian. In the midst of the grief, we couldn't help but crack up. I began to wonder if he was somehow trying to make things easier for all of us...almost like he was trying to bring some comic relief to his family in the midst of what seem to be his last days. That really intrigued me. I felt really endeared to him. I will miss my grandpa.