Last night we had an enjoyable evening with two other neighbor couples while we engaged in a little Superbowl watching, plenty of eating, a bit of kid chasing, and lots of chatting. When we built our house here (five years ago this month) we had no idea what type of neighborhood we would be planting ourselves in. Heck, most of the neighborhood didn't even exist at the time! But we are sure blessed to be here now, on Kelsey Drive, in the midst of numerous friendly people. From ladies' luncheons and baby showers to poolside chats and summer bar-b-ques, we have quite a social bunch.
However, all of this "socialness" in a very "suburbia" type neighborhood fuels all kinds of covetous comaparison energy in me. If you don't already know this about me, one of my HUGEST inner struggles is over image management. I really want people to like me. And as I've gotten to know myself over the years, I've learned that there are parts of me that are perhaps a bit edgy or "out of the box". I really enjoy these parts of me, but I'm not always sure that those around me will. Anyway, that's not really what this post was supposed to be about...
One thing I've loved discovering about myself (and about my husband) is that I am creative. Together, T and I truly enjoy expressing our creativity through our home. It was so fun to build and even more fun thinking about all that we'd love to tear up and change. Working on house projects together is one of our favorite pasttimes.
But something happens as I spend time with my neighbors in their homes. Most of their houses are larger and more fancily (is that a word?) adorned than mine. As I observe their space and decor, a battle rages time and time again in my heart. Suddenly, I am no longer free to simply enjoy the creative process of working on our house...I feel pressure! The pressure is to measure up...to make sure my home is as spacious and fancy as theirs...to make sure they like me. Ugggh!
How I wish I could settle my heart into a place of contentment for longer than a couple days at a time! How I wish I could brainstorm creatively with T and not have nagging comparisons running through my head! How I wish I truly longed to offer my neighbors the Gospel of Christ more than my polished image!
Cheryl's Birthday
2 years ago
2 comments:
i love you carmen! you know, i remember when you were my ra and i remember one of the biggest reasons i was drawn to you was because of your creativity. you were like me in that way, and it's always nice to have that "buddy system" if you will to know that you are not alone. i know i don't have to tell you this, but i'm going to: you have a buddy system already carmen! someone who is more creative than we can ever be! and He is with you ALL THE TIME!! let Him "fancify" your heart; your creativity (and wild streak...which you know i've always been a fan of!) are unique to you. He didn't give those traits to you so you could push them under a rug and be someone else; He gave them to you so you could SHINE in the light He has shone on you!! Blessings to you, friend!!
jenifriend
Thanks for sharing your heart, Carmen. It's brave, and I appreciate getting to know you more and more. I like you, and your quirkiness is intriguing. ;)
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