Nights like Tonight

On nights like tonight (ones that follow days of poor naps and evenings of crankiness for Miss Hannah) I feel drained and wanting a break. I feel selfish and impatient. However, it usually doesn't take too long before I have a quick reflection on some relatively recent, much more painful nights, and I turn grateful.

I become thankful for the generous gift that Hannah is. And, somehow, I become thankful for the ways my heart was molded in those nights of crying out to God for a baby. Nothing in my life to this point has caused me such longing and grief as the thought of not being able to bear a child. Oh, how my heart has ached! Oh, how I have wrestled with God! Some days, the emotions still feel amazingly fresh.

So, it is on nights like tonight that God unexpectedly meets me in my weakness. He reminds me of His goodness and faithfulness. He reminds me of His patience and mercy as my Father. And while I may still feel drained and wanting a break, on nights like tonight, I feel fulfilled.